My obituary

In our last class of the semester, I was asked to write my own obituary on deadline. Here is what I came up with:

Longtime political journalist Tristan Robert Hallman died Tuesday at the age of 99 from injuries sustained while wrestling a grizzly bear.

In his 50 years in journalism, Hallman wrote a number of award-winning stories about Congress, the president, campaigns, political corruption and Social Security – a now-defunct government retirement insurance program.

He also wrestled bears – once fatally.

Hallman was born in San Diego, Calif., and grew up in Granbury, Texas, with his parents and brother and sister. He earned his Bachelor of Arts degree in political science and his master’s in journalism at the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism in New York. He often claimed to have earned a Ph.D. at “The School of Hard Knocks,” but that claim proved to be erroneous.

He then embarked on his career in political journalism before retiring to spend more time living in the woods. He was offered several teaching positions after his retirement, but turned the lucrative contracts down so he could wrestle bears on a full-time basis.

Those who knew Hallman said that they would remember Hallman fondly – if they could remember who he was.

“Leave me alone,” said Anika Anand, who was once Hallman’s graduate school classmate. “Who the hell is Tristan Hallman?”

“I’m pretty sure you mean Ajai Raj,” said Tom DiChristopher, who literally sat adjacent to Hallman in graduate school. “Ajai Raj died, and that is tragic. That guy was awesome.”

Raj is still alive and well, according to prison records.

“Yeah, I’m almost certain you mean Ajai Raj,” said Shawn Hallman, Tristan’s younger brother. “I never had a brother.”

Shawn Hallman did have a brother, according to U.S. Census records and countless photographs of the two together. And that brother died. From wrestling a bear.

Hallman said his only goal in life was to live to be 100. He claimed his life would be meaningless if he did not achieve that goal.

He is survived by his brother Shawn; his three children, all of whom declined comment and said they did not want to be associated with a guy who recklessly wrestled bears; and his sister, Carly, who could not be reached for comment because she was in China again or something like that.

Wine and baseball

There is a scene in Field of Dreams where Ray Kinsella and Terrance Mann pick up a hitchhiker on their drive back to Iowa. The hitchhiker was not Rutger Hauer – luckily – but a young man named Archibald “Moonlight” Graham.

Graham was a ballplayer in the 1920s who somehow landed in the 1980s. He tells the two that he hears there are teams all across the midwest that will find day jobs for players so they can play baseball at night.

Things have changed. Thanks to sleazy agents like the one profiled in this Deadspin story and billionaire owners, players now make money on the side because they can, not because they have to.

Some make money on the side by doing commercials or endorsements. And some make wine because, hey, why wouldn’t you drink wine from a baseball player?

Such is the case with New York Mets pitcher Johan Santana, who — as I discovered today — puts his name and image on wine, which is called “Santana’s Select.” It turns out the proceeds of the wine actually go to his youth foundation charity, but it’s not like Santana wouldn’t have enough money to do that on his own; he is in the middle of a $137.5 million contract.

Johan Santana shows his four-seam fastball grip on the cover of his wine.

I saw Santana’s wine on the shelves of the Madison Avenue Wine today. My first reaction was, “It’s from Longball Cellars?! He’s a pitcher! Why would he want to give up a longball?!”

More questions:

  • Why isn’t he holding a grape instead of a baseball? Wouldn’t that be more clever?
  • Is he holding a baseball so people don’t confuse him with Carlos Santana?
  • Wouldn’t you rather buy a wine made by Carlos Santana?
  • Wouldn’t you rather buy a wine made by Jon Lester?
  • Wait, Jon Lester is one of those guys who drank beer during games in the Red Sox clubhouse, right? Should he still want his name attached to alcohol at this point?
  • Is there anywhere where I can still buy “Manny Being Merlot”?
  • Will all wine from baseball players need steroids in a few years to avoid a decline as it ages?
Anyway, long story short, I didn’t buy it. Seems awfully gimmicky to me from players who earn millions of dollars playing a game that I would gladly play for $60,000 per year with health insurance and dental benefits.
But, really, let me know if Trevor Hoffman or Tony Gwynn come out with their own wines.

Plano Star-Courier: On the Run: Pair of Planoites complete NYC Marathon

By TRISTAN HALLMAN

Special to the Star-Courier

NEW YORK — A decade ago, Melvin Chu was a student at the University of Texas-Dallas who didn’t care much about fitness.

“Mostly, I lifted a lot of weights in college,” said Chu, 30, a Plano resident. “When I say lift weights, I mean I threw up an occasional weight and ate a lot of fast food.”

But one day, he decided to change that.

And on Sunday, Chu crossed the finish line in Central Park 3:39:06 after starting his first ING New York City Marathon…Continue Reading at the Plano Star-Courier.

The non-bucket list

I never want any part of this. Photo by Chris Brown

Ever since that Bucket List movie came out a few years ago, everyone likes to talk about what’s on his or her personal “bucket list.” That’s nice and all, but I think people also need to make a list of things they never want to do. It’s really just as important. Why take the good with the bad when you can just have the good? Read the rest of this entry »

Bronx News: For some, feast serves as distraction from 9/11

Glenda Torres didn’t want to think about 9/11 on the 10th   anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center. Instead of going to any of the ceremonies marking the anniversary on Sunday, she went to Ferragosto, an annual street festival in the Bronx’s Little Italy.

“It takes my mind off of it,” said Torres, 34. “I saw some things that I would rather not remember.”

Read the rest of this entry »

My personal reflection on Sept. 11

Courtesy of the Prints and Photographs Division. Library of Congress.

It’s hard to believe that it has already been ten years.

I first heard what had happened in seventh grade Pre-AP English class at Acton Middle School. Our teacher, Mrs. Brewer, had the unenviable task of breaking the news to our class: Two planes have hit the World Trade Center. We are under attack. Read the rest of this entry »

What to be afraid of this weekend: Snakes with arms

Now that earthquakes and hurricanes are out of the way, you are probably thinking that you have nothing to be afraid of this weekend. Fear not, because, as a member of the media, it is my job to frighten you. And it’s a job I hope to do well.

This weekend, you should fear evolution.

Snakes with arms: Not as far away as you think. Source photos courtesy of Layne Norton and Ramesh NG

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