Monday Madness! (on America’s birthday!)

Welcome to the July 4 edition of Monday Madness! I’d promise fireworks in this week’s blog, but, unfortunately, there is a burn ban in effect. You have to expect the occasional droughts in this series of tubes known as the Internets.

Two of my stories ran in the Dallas Morning News during the weekend that you may have missed because you stopped reading newspapers and focused on a steady diet of Perez Hilton and YouTube videos.

Here they are: the first one and the second one (subscription required).

Now, for the rest of the business.

Quick Hits:

  • Nobody from the Nationals has contacted me yet regarding the managerial job. I may switch my focus to becoming the new Los Angeles Dodgers owner instead. Now, I just need some investors….
  • There was a short blurb in Express on Friday explaining that firefighters had to remove a man’s hand from his gas tank. He apparently stuck it in there because “someone” put an unwrapped Snickers bar in the tank and he was trying to retrieve it. And then the story ended! It’s crying for more reporting! So many unanswered questions.
  • It’s a good thing Google+ came along because I always hoped a company with an even more atrocious privacy record would challenge Facebook in social media.
  • Speaking of social media, keep an eye on MySpace.com. Newscorp has been trying to sell it and the asking price continues to drop. If it goes low enough, you might be able to buy yourself a nice antique domain name. It could be a great conversation piece.
  • I am going to see Little Richard later today. If Bruno Mars grew a mustache, he would be a creepier Little Richard. And that is just not okay.
  • I hope they lightened Jimmy Smits’ caffeine intake today. Last year, he was practically ready to explode.

This week’s Monday Madness is brought to you by…

Great Moments in Snow Cone History!

(Because I don’t have any real sponsors)

The signing of the Declaration of Independence. (It was summer, and hot, and Benjamin Franklin loved his sweets.)

They f***ing said it:

“I didn’t know then what I have learned since. That America always has been better than its government, that its people have always been more decent than their presidents and that the strength and greatness of this nation lies in them, the men and women who are not great and who never will be.” — Roger Simon.

“America is the Marcia Brady of the global community. Everyone remembers her birthday, but not the birthdays of other countries. Also, America gets hit in the nose with a football and asked out on lots of dates by hunks. Happy birthday, Jan Botswana!” — Carly Hallman on America’s birthday.

“Happy 4th of July” — Just about everyone today. Have a good one.

Front Page Famous

Today, a story I co-wrote landed on page 1A of the Dallas Morning News. It was the only Non-Mavericks story.

Click to enlarge

But I did eventually write about the Mavericks for DMN here. Yes, my head somehow got flattened in my mini-mugshot. Glad you noticed.

And my sister, who generally writes fiction, wrote some truths for Thought Catalog. Read it here. I promise it will be worth your while.

Monday Madness!

Here is the first edition of Monday Madness, a collection of random thoughts and links and such.

My first byline in The Dallas Morning News (subscription required): Obama administration may approve Texas voter ID law to avoid court review, experts say — http://bit.ly/iiG25G (don’t worry, I’m not Rick Rolling you. Or am I? Click to find out!)

Another byline is coming soon…

If you are in Austin, my brother Shawn and his band, The Zig Zag Illusion, are playing at The Beauty Bar on E. 7th Street on Tuesday night. Check them out!

Lessons of the Week:

  • Sometimes Politico’s BREAKING NEWS e-mail alerts aren’t really BREAKING NEWS.
  • No matter what your political views, Marine One is just plain cool.
  • Thanks to White House press pool reports, I know every mundane detail of every presidential event.
  • Just because your apartment is furnished doesn’t mean it is furnished well.
  • To follow up on that last point, sometimes dressers can’t support the weight of a few pairs of pants.
  • Tyson Chandler probably just fouled someone somewhere.
  • Sometimes, the King is the Fool.
  • My fantasy baseball players have great days if I go to see them in person (Ben Zobrist, Nick Markakis, Mark Reynolds on Saturday night). Maybe it’s that extra motivation they need when the millions of dollars and careers playing baseball all day just aren’t doing it for them like they used to.
  • The Metro is kind of a rip-off, but you do get to see women with legit mustaches sometimes.

This blog post is brought to you by…

Paula Hallman! Literally, without her, this blog post would have never been possible. Check out this video of her art portfolio made by my sister and featuring music by my brother:

They f***ing said it…

“Please warn people about ghouls in your next article. That’s your job as a journalist.” — Carly Hallman, who may or may not have something to do with this Facebook page.

“We like to think that people enjoy Peeps…The best part is, you can take them home, put toothpicks in them and stick them in the microwave. That makes them blow up, and they look like they are sword fighting.” – Collin Long, a spokesman for Rep. Charlie Dent, R-Penn., in The New York Times.

“He had barbecue ribs. I’ve had barbecue ribs 500 times in my life. He did not get a drip of sauce anywhere on his face, suit, tie. The guy is carved out of stone. I don’t even know how he ate the ribs. He was like a god. He didn’t even need a napkin.” — Media columnist Norman Chad on sports writer/Dracula Frank Deford in Grantland.

“Americans, too many of them, seem to only care about sex and taxes.” — Alec Baldwin on Twitter.

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